


Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun

by clementinedyke



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cops & Robbers AU, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 12:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13008225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clementinedyke/pseuds/clementinedyke
Summary: Roxy Lalonde has been dead for years, but the Cat Burglar has never felt more alive. Break in, steal, shoot; the same system every time. When an ultimately babe detective catches her at point-blank, she finds herself growing sloppier just for a chance to see her again.Special Agent Detective Jane Crocker is known for her resolve and determination, never letting a criminal slip between her finger tips. But when she finally has a legendarily uncatchable outlaw staring down the barrel of her gun, why can't she pull the trigger?





	Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun

“FREEZE.”

 

_ Shit. _

 

“Drop the weapon, put your hands in the air and turn around. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law,” her voice was steady, but Roxy knew better. It was calculated; the kind of confidence you only get after years of successful work in the field. She could feel the tremor underlying in her breath.

 

“You’re reading me my rights?” Roxy slowly turned around, gun raised to face the cop to her back. 

 

“I don’t see why I shouldn’t.” She adjusted the grip on her gun. She had small, pudgy hands, which rather matched the rest of her, Roxy decided as she eyed her over. Short nails- not bitten, but clipped. Duly noted.

 

Curly black hair strewn over the top of her head, a singular curl dropping down in front of her eyes. She was stout, and much shorter than Roxy herself, enough so that Roxy had to look down to face her, but when she did-

 

God  _ damn. _

 

She was still in pajamas, but Roxy couldn’t bring herself to even  _ notice.  _ Eyes the color of gleaming crystals, framed perfectly by shiny red glasses. A small button nose below that, adorned with freckles over her pale complexion. She was so glad it was dark in here, or this girl would totally be able to tell her face was redder than a baby’s asscheek after a sexy nurse slapped the shit out of it, straight out of the womb. You’ll never be able to sit down again, poor baby. And right out of your mommy’s vagina, too. That bitch pwned you. Life pwned you, dumb baby. Poor baby. Roxy sounded so damn poetic she almost high-fived herself. She decided she was hanging out with Dirk too much.

 

“Criminy, do you have nothing to say in your defense?”  _ Criminy,  _ holy shit. Was she suddenly teleported to the 1930s? This woman could  _ not  _ be real.

 

“What’s your name, Doll?” Might as well play along with this murder-mystery shtick. Charm level: set phasers to kill.

 

“I- I am Special Agent Detective Jane Crocker and I  _ said  _ drop. Your. weapon,” the woman, no,  _ Jane,  _ spoke through gritted teeth after a moment of pause. Cat Burglar:1, Jane: 0. Normally, Roxy wouldn't have complied, but she lowered the gun. She wasn’t particularly feeling  _ getting shot  _ today, but she wasn’t going to drop her weapon while face to face with the cops.

 

“Bet it’s not loaded.”

 

“Want to find out?” Roxy took this moment to, not recognize the fact her life was being threatened, but the fact that the woman with a gun pointed at her face had a  _ lisp  _ and  _ holy fuck if that isn't the cutest goddamn shit she’s heard in her whole ass life, then Dirk didn’t have roots longer than the Great Wall of China. _

 

Focus. 

 

“Okay, listen. I didn’t particularly plan on dying today-”

 

“The feeling’s mutual.”

 

“- _ So _ whaddya say I just... Back away,” Roxy took a step back, “and we both lower our guns. Neither of us have to shoot  _ or  _ get shot. Win-win.” Roxy would have crossed her fingers, had her hands not been occupied holding a gun. She wasn’t tricking her; Roxy  _ didn’t  _ want to get shot by an extremely hot detective, nor did she want to shoot her. Not if there was a chance she could see her again.

 

“I really don’t think you’re in the place to be setting terms or negotiations here.” God damn.

 

“I’m gonna pretend that I didn’t hear you because  _ ouch, babe.  _ Ice cold.” 

 

Roxy heard sirens in the distance. Did she call the fucking  _ cops??? When did she have the time to do that???? How long did she know she was  _ here??????

 

The woman turned her head toward the window as she saw the flash of police lights.

 

“You’re done for. The burgled the wrong house, Missy.”

 

At least, that’s what Roxy thinks she said. She was a bit busy dashing the fuck out of there through the window immediately after she turned her head. She could feel the broken glass scratch her cheeks and neck as she ran; sweat running down her face, despite it being late fall and just barely above freezing.

 

The sirens grew louder and she heard a gunshot shoot past her as she jumped in the bed of her escapecar. 

 

“Drive drive drive drive DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!” Roxy banged her fist on the back window of the car, jerking the driver awake and immediately setting the car in motion. She was crouched behind the bed’s lip when she heard the back window roll down.

 

“Rox, care to explain what the fuck happened in there?” The onslaught of a patented disappointed-Strider breakdown was coming. Resolve the tension, Rolal. You got this.

 

“Do you think being into super hot detectives is considered a kink?”

 

Nailed it.

**Author's Note:**

> SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT i didnt wanna make it dialogue heavy n i promise therell be more plot in later chapters if i. ever update this akjhfgk


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